we'd be good for eachother

yellow curving spiral
winding delicate around a blue ice orb.
Every colour reminds me of you.
But mostly blue.
That startling cold hue
that somehow always warms and smiles from your insides. out.
colours are mostly dull now.
meaning less without the knowledge that your visit could mean something.
to me. anything, if even just an answer.
Years break away fantasy and lack.
meaning. mean. less.
greater uncertainty in every angular vision.
i know nothing about you except that i think i love everything about you.

she said you were vacant behind your ice eyes.
simple, unflawed and unharmed.
but i know that behind the warm coldness,
there is something no one has quite figured out .
i know, no doubt, that she has you all wrong.
and that no one has you right.

she thinks, also, that i'm free of pain and hurt
(but i'm not so perfect, pristine, untampered with)
she doesn't know that i'm not free of the chains that bind me to hating myself.
(no one knows) that i starve myself (for you)

i quit smoking. you'll be surprised.
and maybe my empty hand will show you my empty heart;
numb but scarred
tissues cut over and over again... never to heal.
this organ of mine finds it hard to feel,
except you. it feels you.

because, you (innocently) cut the bloodiest wounds
without even realizing what you've done.
each hello is just another cut
followed by a long good-bye.
its not good for me. this bye. its not good.

as i spiral back to where i began.

---------------------------------------

comfort is

your hand on my wrist
you holding me to you
it would be the most complete contact
such pleasure
i would simply shut my eyes
sigh
and lean my body into yours.