aujourd'hui

(i just got back from nova scotia. a small french fishing village. i had a lot of time to think there. i did some soul searching. i talked to some people. i took some risks. i wrote some love letters that i'll never send. i wrote a lot of poems. i'll post them here, slowly. sweetly. i wish he would read them. i'm a different person now. i've gotten older and wiser... but younger and foolish at the same time. i'm not really afraid of believing that my thoughts are real anymore. i've opened up my mind, my body is my friend again. i was honest with others and with myself.)

its a chance i took
and now i've been nervous for 4 days straight
here, they call me the little thing
la fille avec les yeux bleu
but there i'm not much
there, il y a un homme qui j'adore
et il ne connait pas
its a chance i'm taking
i'm maybe perhaps halfway there
a demi-circle
a rim of light around my pillow
a whisper i don't hear

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all those other lovers aren't you:
...he touches my palm
traces his fingers
caresses my wrist
and when i wake up
his arms are safely tucked around my body...
and i cry, because i realize that its not you
and i don't know what to say to him
so i pretend that his hands are your hands feeling mine