this was accidental (edit)

original (November 4th 2007)

this was accidental,
this fall into a non-direction.
i thought that moving would make things more obvious
but i still shiver,
because i don't believe in god.
we're just faithless chess pieces, praying
and playing with ourselves.
i miss her, memories are like a forgotten time capsule.
i am absent of him, dreams taped into a dark box.

things i saw
they broke my heart more deeply than any lover could.
and there is not a thing to do,
no response, no prayers, no god to talk to,
no way to explain my visions
or the terror that stares at me like an un-moving glass eye.
no way to starve it away.
there is just the exhausting fear
that everything up until now has been an accident.