every day

There is a buzzing in my head

And a shiver up my spine

A numbness in my stomache

An ache in my bones

the sharp pain in my shins

It feels amazing

It reminds me of how hard things are.

How solidly my thighs pump

Durable fibers pushing pulling

Contracting

My heart muscle struggles

My lungs could go forever

The pain killers dull the stabbing sensation

Its good

Its great

I’m getting faster every day

I can breathe easier

I can get somewhere

Soon

i ignore

is it true that this could kill me?
one true lovely referred to it as holding your breath
she is beautifully and terrifyingly violently correct
i hold and hold. my breath inside.
and when i reach the finish line (the line i set for myself)
i realize that my ambitions hadn't been reaching far enough. so i gasp
i extend my shaking hand forwards
i drop my sanity onto the ground, which is moving beneath my feet
i push forwards
for another breath
and i hold the air in
and keep going
afraid that if i stop i'll loose what i have
so i keep going
trying to be better
trying to find a perfectly straight line
taking a breath when i need it
letting it out only when i have to
this foggy mildew pink pill
one white, no more blue.
dissolving with my over extension.
with a sip of water
with a sigh for air