we'd be good for eachother

yellow curving spiral
winding delicate around a blue ice orb.
Every colour reminds me of you.
But mostly blue.
That startling cold hue
that somehow always warms and smiles from your insides. out.
colours are mostly dull now.
meaning less without the knowledge that your visit could mean something.
to me. anything, if even just an answer.
Years break away fantasy and lack.
meaning. mean. less.
greater uncertainty in every angular vision.
i know nothing about you except that i think i love everything about you.

she said you were vacant behind your ice eyes.
simple, unflawed and unharmed.
but i know that behind the warm coldness,
there is something no one has quite figured out .
i know, no doubt, that she has you all wrong.
and that no one has you right.

she thinks, also, that i'm free of pain and hurt
(but i'm not so perfect, pristine, untampered with)
she doesn't know that i'm not free of the chains that bind me to hating myself.
(no one knows) that i starve myself (for you)

i quit smoking. you'll be surprised.
and maybe my empty hand will show you my empty heart;
numb but scarred
tissues cut over and over again... never to heal.
this organ of mine finds it hard to feel,
except you. it feels you.

because, you (innocently) cut the bloodiest wounds
without even realizing what you've done.
each hello is just another cut
followed by a long good-bye.
its not good for me. this bye. its not good.

as i spiral back to where i began.

---------------------------------------

comfort is

your hand on my wrist
you holding me to you
it would be the most complete contact
such pleasure
i would simply shut my eyes
sigh
and lean my body into yours.

raw berry blue

mixture berries blue
liquid metamorphosis
Feeding failures
Liquefying soul
Emptying body venom
sickly sweet stickiness
vial of perfection
To cleanse lovely confusion
chaos is normal, being
being Falling eyelashes, into coffee cups
Downwards Drownings in darkness
In Brown, beautiful bold swill
Rinse away stinging aftertaste
Cutting throat
Burning, heat, raw
Licking sores
Healing wounds
Coating stagnant insides
deep well, vacant stomach
Juiced.

Juiced.
sap
Sugary sweet sucking energy.
Away.
Sipping down nothingness
Shedding wayward self.
Haunting rhythms inside,
growl for that old feeling.
Asking those, just as needy,
For something.
For a fusion, down.

Set alight.
Just make a pulp.
might as well be bruised brutal.
Disgusting perverted wicked fun.
Or nothing
bloody, barrenness
Bare, exposed rawness
lubricated love
Greased salt
Tears grease.
Please, groveling (useless vanities)
Give your placebo… then just walk away
And run back with explanations
Fire red flowers
Bouquets of justification
To rationalize primitive emotion.
Trial and trivialize souls

Then:

De-Science me

De-Liberalize me

De-Sensitize me

De-Burn me when you are done with me.

f.b.h

f b h
i hate you
i hate the way i feel when i see your name
it makes me shiver
stomach turning
beauty and bestiality
synonymous: love and hatred
like birds and bees
my knees
buckle
my heart shatters
sinks
my mind pulls in two: dichotomies
and i scream
when i know you give her gifts
and beg for her back
she is smart to leave you (reducing her own heartache)
with your hands full of sorrows
alone, lonely