still

3 butterflies clouding around each other
crowding the space between wings

mother duck
4 ducklings in a square
then 8 following behind
catching up

feeling something
wanting to fill the feeling with something else

changing futures
spelling out numbers
swimming one way
flying another
but mostly going nowhere

stuck

stick
you're stuck
like a staple in my thumb
like a song in his head
like a finger down the throat.

fleeting
your touch is rare
like one of those perfectly realistic dreams
forgotten once the eyes open
an immediate loss in the morning
but to reveal something honest

i would sleep with you forever
just sleep
deeply, completely
naively, but lustfully

and in the morning i would wake before you
curl around you
a cocoon
and then i would open up like a flower when you rise

i'm like a child
wanting to grow up with someone like me
someone innocent but nasty
rusty but golden

aujourd'hui

(i just got back from nova scotia. a small french fishing village. i had a lot of time to think there. i did some soul searching. i talked to some people. i took some risks. i wrote some love letters that i'll never send. i wrote a lot of poems. i'll post them here, slowly. sweetly. i wish he would read them. i'm a different person now. i've gotten older and wiser... but younger and foolish at the same time. i'm not really afraid of believing that my thoughts are real anymore. i've opened up my mind, my body is my friend again. i was honest with others and with myself.)

its a chance i took
and now i've been nervous for 4 days straight
here, they call me the little thing
la fille avec les yeux bleu
but there i'm not much
there, il y a un homme qui j'adore
et il ne connait pas
its a chance i'm taking
i'm maybe perhaps halfway there
a demi-circle
a rim of light around my pillow
a whisper i don't hear

----------------------------

all those other lovers aren't you:
...he touches my palm
traces his fingers
caresses my wrist
and when i wake up
his arms are safely tucked around my body...
and i cry, because i realize that its not you
and i don't know what to say to him
so i pretend that his hands are your hands feeling mine